The look of disappointment in my father’s eyes when I came back from my morning jog with a box of doughnuts…
once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
Tumblr would only reblog shit stupid as this
HOW TO PLAY SOCCER IN GYM CLASS:
1. Get the ball
2. Pass it to someone who actually knows how to play
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
you wanna fight? alright let’s take this outside! the stars are so bright tonight. the moon looks so nice. hold my hand